Friday, March 28, 2008

Josephine


Jos├ęphine Baker (1906 - 1975) was a cabaret singer/dancer in Paris.



She was the first woman of African descent to star in a major motion picture.







Well before Madonna's time, this is one 'banana outfit' to remember.


Josephine pro-actively worked against racism and supported the Civil Rights Movement in the United States.













In Paris she performed on stage with her pet cheetah Chiquita.























Here she is in action, the one and only... Josephine Baker.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Move over Barbie - Miss Bimbo! Come on Down

LONDON, England (CNN)* -- A Web site that encourages girls as young as seven to give virtual dolls breast implants and put them on crash diets has caused concern among parents and children's activists.

The Miss Bimbo Web site has attracted widespread condemnation.

The Miss Bimbo Web site has attracted widespread condemnation.

The provocatively named "Miss Bimbo" Web site launched in the UK last month and is described as a "virtual fashion game for girls."

Girls are encouraged to compete against each other to become the "hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world."

When a girl signs up, they are given a naked virtual character to look after and pitted against other girls to earn "bimbo" dollars so they can dress her in sexy outfits and take her clubbing.

*from the CNN- europe website.

Oh wow, totally cool, for all you post, post, post feminists... Miss Bimbo 2008

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Successful Woman
























Labour Shortage leads to Retirement Cut-backs











Today I discovered that the expected strain on our economy, from a labour shortage, due to an aging public and low birth rate, is expected to kick in around 2040. According to my calculations as a post-feminist, that puts me just over 60 - heading into retirement. Oh goody. Im looking forward to that.

This is a message to all women out there, you have my full permission to go out and get knocked up. Thank you.

earth mother. inner bloom.

Veronica's new car has **arrived**













Saturday, March 22, 2008

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Art of Seduction 3




Bring out the Exotic Dancer in you!

It's easy. And Best of All... Its FREE!

In the third series of The Art of Seduction we are learning from the muse that inspired ballets from around the world. In honour of all those wedding ice sculptures, allow yourself to be enchanted...


The Art of Seduction 3 - Swan Waltz



For the Romantic Princess at Heart*

1 Facing your partner cheek to cheek.

2 Lifting up on to your toes, shimmy your upper body, whilst twirling together in a full circle.

3 Pulling back and head down, repeat on the other side.

4 Complete in a loving embrace.

*note: optional princess crown available, contact The Art of Seduction at Bloom if you wish to know more.

The Art of Seduction 2


Bring out the Exotic Dancer in you!

It's easy. And Best of All... Its FREE!

In the second series of The Art of Seduction we are looking at an islander version, almost like a slow & deliberate tap dance this one is a short piece for the more fun and carefree woman, who likes to keep things simple.


The Art of Seduction 2 - The Booby Dance





Show him what you are made of*

1 Facing away from your partner, chest out, head up & arms to your side. Play hard to get, pretend you just dont see him.

2 Beginning with the right leg, lift your legs and display your your blue shoes, in a very slight kick.

3 Head up and to the side, step, kick, step kick, step kick, head to the other side and repeat, repeat. (4x4 tempo)

3 Turn to face your partner and prepare for the finale.

4 Looking him directly in the eye, abruptly lift your arms high above your head for a dramatic finish.

*note: this dance does require special blue shoes, contact The Art of Seduction at Bloom if you wish to know more.

The Art of Seduction 1




Bring out the Exotic Dancer in you!

It's easy. And Best of All... Its FREE!

The Art of Seduction, has come down through the ages in many forms - the dance of Salome, the poledancing stripteaser or the gyrating grooves of a pop star. Now you too can become the seductress of your dreams from this series of three dance workshops.

We will explore dances from the 'wild' around the world that will guarantee you will never have to be alone.

The Art of Seduction 1 - The Peacock





Hypnotise your lover in this trance-like dance*

1 Face your partner, chest out, eyes forward & arms stretched out holding up your headress.

2 Beginning with the right leg, slowly lead your body in a full circle to the count of 8.

3 Once you are again facing your partner, take four steps forward and bow.

3 Returning back to the starting position, repeat the cycle in the opposite direction.

4 To complete the dance, raise your arms up above your head, closing your headress and slowly slide it down to your side.

*note: the finale is not available on this film, contact The Art of Seduction at Bloom if you wish to know more.

Veronica's new car is **coming soon**


I just wanted to let you know that last night I bumped into Veronica. I couldnt believe it, she's all grown up now.

She's married and her new name is Veronica Kutsik, she has a fabulous dog she calls her 'baby' and a new car with a sub woofer.

It was all pretty impressive.



***pic of veronicas new car is coming...***





Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Snow White



Mirror Mirror on the Wall Who's the Fairest of them All?



Why you cranky old hag it aint you.








Its Snow White, fair, with rosy cheeks, singing, making pies and being pretty.


'I'll fix you', mutters the evil stepmother, 'here my pretty, eat this shiny red apple'.



Dont do it Snowy its been poisoned by the hag. Your glory days will be over, no good will come of it, Im telling you leave the apple right where you found it.



Of course she eats it. And collapses into a pre-death sleep.





Now this is a fairy tale so this is where the prince steps in. Enchanted by her fair skin, rosy cheeks and the red stain of sin still present upon her lips.


Hey Snowy, maidenhood is officially over. One only hopes you dont become the old crone.



Moral of this story:
Old Crones are spiteful jealous bitches seducing you with evil

Young Maidens are dumb

Dont buy your apples on special







Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Its a Landslide!


The official survey for Which One Are You - Betty or Veronica? has closed. The tally has been counted. And its a landslide!

35 women of all ages and walks of life have contributed by owning up to who out of the Archie comics they identified with - Betty or Veronica.

The results are in.

80% of women identified with Betty
20% with Veronica

Betty has been voted No 1 : Miss Rivervale 2008.

The question I am asking is how many entrants to this survey really wanted to be Veronica but wouldnt own up to it. And then, is Betty the Underdog?

Here are some of the comments to this competition. Thank you to all who came into the Temple of Bloom to share...

Question: Who out of the Archie Comics did you identify with - Betty or Veronica?

"Totally Betty"


"It was Betty... wasnt Veronica a spoilt Slag?"


"Betty- but I do recall my favourite edition was when Betty drove Archie crazy with lurve by getting a makeover everyday, leaving Veronica fuming in the background! Moral of the story male attention = self worth!"


"As a kid I wanted to be Veronica, brunette, boobs and money to blitz... but I identified more with Betty"


"I always wanted to be Betty, but now I want to be Veronica"


"I wanted to be a Veronica because she was rich and well dressed"


"Betty! Always Betty. Ronnie was a spoilt pain in the butt. Being rich would have been nice though
."

"I think Im Big Ethel. he he no Im Betty"

"...is this a trick question? I don't know who those characters are. ...But I did want to be Kimba the White Lion." DISQUALIFIED!

" I was a bit of both" DISQUALIFIED!

" I was Jughead"
DISQUALIFIED!

"I preferred Veronica. Betty was unrealistically good! And Ive always been evil. he he"

"Hey with my hair colour and deeply goody goody nature, definitely Betty!"

"Always Veronica, she seemed to have all the power. Same age-old options for women - Are you the girl they want to shag or the girl they want to marry?"

"I mean with an outfit like that, of course I want to be Veronica!!"


Monday, March 17, 2008

Mums-R-Us


You may be wondering what Mary and her little blue blanket is doing on this blog. I mean, afterall, she is definately no feminist. The truth is, I invited her. I really like that heart bling she has hanging around her neck.

There is something interesting about the history of Mary, that happened in 1950, around the time that Wonder Woman and her healing 'purple ray' came into creation.

The Church changed her status.

She went from Mary, Mother of God, to: Mary Mother of God, Queen of the Heavens. In terms of her image this meant that she was now not just the human virgin vessel that gave birth to Jesus, she was actually raised up into the divine. She was Queen of the Heavens. (Up there with the Old Man)

It was the people who pushed the church for this. It was post second world war time and the masses were grieving. They were looking for compassion, love and humanities, all the qualities that Mary stood for. They wanted more of it.

I believe that Mary copped a fair bit during the feminist period. Pulled down from the sacrad ground she stood upon. Motherhood in my opinion has every right to be a respectable career in itself. In fact, bring in the men here, parenting is a career.

In the 80's Mary's status changed again. She became Mary Mother of God, Queen of the Heaven's and of the Earth.

As people became more and more aware of our rising environmental concerns, and the rape & pillage of our planet. Mary slipped, in her stylish blue blankey, into her age-old role of Earth Mother.


inner bloom .

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I dream of Jeannie



A very popular belly dancer indeed. Im just going to leave this up here for a bit, because it just says so much all on its own. 1965-1970.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Elevator Ettiquette


There is an elevator at the office where I work.

Ive discovered that if I meet a man at the door there is vast difference in who waits for who to enter first.

If the guy is over 40 most likely he will wait for you, and he may even hold his hand over the doors as you walk in. If he's in his 30's it could go either way, he may glance at you to see what you are about to do first. If he's a Gen Y, its every man for himself, if you want to get a good spot you will need to push your way through.

Wonder Woman


When I was 8 I dressed up as Wonder Woman for a school party. I was in Love with WW. I have the wonder woman dolls, the wonder woman t-shirt and the Wonder Woman attitude.

WW hit fame as a superhero fashion pop-icon in the 70's & 80's. If running around in a red and blue swim suit with a golden lasso and bullet proof armwrists is all you can remember, let me fill in some blanks.

Wonder Woman began her career as a fictional comic character created back in 1941. Princess Diana was her true name and she belonged to a tribe of Amazons, (from the Amazons of Greek mythology). Her mother was Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.

Diana left her world, under the instruction of Aphrodite 'to enter the Man's World and fight the evil of the Nazi' (circa 1940's). She arrives bearing several gifts from the Olympian Gods - the Golden Lasso of Truth from the Golden Girdle of Gaea - and Bullet Proof Bracelets from the shield Aegis. Named Wonder Woman - beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as Athena, swifter than Hermes, and stronger than Hercules, our heroine came incognito as nurse Lt Diana Prince.

Wonder Woman was intelligent, courageous, beautiful and possessing magical healing powers of her 'Purple Ray', capable of nursing man to health.

In honour of this influential character I leave you with the words of her theme song....

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

All the world is waiting for you
and the power you possess
In your satin tights
fighting for your rights
And the old red white and blue

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

Now the world is ready for you
and the wonders you can do
Make a hawk a dove
stop a war with love
Make a liar tell the truth

Wonder Woman!
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman

All our hopes are pinned upon you
and the magic that you do
Stop a bullet cold
make the axis fold
change their minds and change the world

Wonder Woman!
Wonder Woman!

You're a wonder, Wonder Woman!

Getting Lost...


It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that I feel pretty lost as a woman right now.

(rocket scientists supposedly know a lot)

It is true - Im confused.

I guess when I was younger I felt pretty clear that I was a feminist. Equal rights, and all that. Get a career, get married at 30, buy a house with a garden, have some babies. There seemed to be a plan... to Have it All.

To be honest, I am post feminist and I am pissed off. This goal seems way bigger than Im capable of. I have no idea how to find balance amongst all these things. I think Having it All can go and get stuffed.

Im tired.

I want a break from it All. I would like to go on a holiday for post feminists, where I can eat what I want, wear what I want, point at my cellulite and pinch it lovingly saying 'arent you cute little hail damage'.

Id like to go on a tropical cruise where I drink pina coladas with little umbrellas in them. And wear big sunglasses. Id like to go into Post Feminism retirement, where the sun is always setting.

Does anyone have a roadmap here?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Seeking The ONE


Hey Romeo, Where the F*** are Ya?

Seeking 'The One' is the romantic notion that there is one person out there who is perfect for you.

The old Knight in Shining Armour trick.

Problem is that this concept of the One is actually quite misleading. Unfortunately it is rare for someone to walk into a crowded room, lock eyes with a stranger and in a romantic reverie have found the One.

Most likely you started shagging the guy you got drunk with from work and through a cocktail of hormones and cheap wine begun to think he was the One. Or there was the One that you met at the bar who you discovered amazingly could ALSO speak piglatin, I mean hello! What a connection! You guys were just meant to be together. Or there was the big One, the guy who lived next door, it was a 'sign' - you just kept bumping into him.

One of the most attractive things about Romanticism is the pure mysteriousness of it all. The concept of the One seems to be just out of reach. There is this delicate, exquisite, deliciousness of the completely unavailable.

Of course, when he becomes available, and he farts on you in the morning and leaves his dirty towel on top of the dress you wanted to wear, the golden glow begins to wear off and you start to wonder if maybe the One is actually still out there.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Willendorf Goes Wild


Do you recognise this woman?

Her name is Marija Gimbutas. She was a Professor of Archaeology and author of the book The Language of the Goddess on Neolithic religion. It was thanks to Gimbutas and her contempories that the concept of a Mother Goddess was unearthed and filtrated out into our Western Consciousness. We discovered that women of Sumerian age ran business, inherited property and believed in the fertility Goddess Ishtar/Innana.

Marija Gimbutas discovered a whole new language that existed prior to the Rosetta Stone, Greek, Egyptian & Phoenician text. The Neolithic & Paeolithic period was her focus and her Archeological leadership.

The concept of a life giving fertile Goddess was her story. Next to her is the Venus of Willendorf. A voluptuous and grounding earth mother. This whole story seems to bring me down to earth. I feel proud to be a woman.

But that story is short lived. Cos there's another world out there. The Post, Post Feminist One.

The one where the Willendorf is going Wild.

Hey Willendorf, You Go Girlfriend!


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Secret


A while ago I was watching Kath & Kim. In the last scene, Kath says to Kim, 'What ya reading?'
'Oh its this book called The Secret, apparently it says if you wish for things long enough, you will get it'
'Oh really,' says Kath, 'I might try that. I need a new dishwasher.'

Thats the secret. If you wish for something long enough you wind up getting it.

And so here we have a bunch of post feminist women climbing the career ladder, with arsenal such as high heels and some Gucci, looking for a personal identity and in the meantime seeking the One.

Of course, if he's not the One, he can always become the My Biological Clock is Ticking and He Might Just Be The One.

Yep, thats right. The Mummy Trail.

And if you thought having a career and looking for Mr Right was hard work well, you had another thing coming. You now have everything you as a post feminist ever wanted... it all.

Congratulations, the Secret really does work.

If you wish for IT ALL long enough, you end up getting it.

My Bra is Burning


There's all sorts of bras on the market these days. Ultra support, serious padding, ones that stick on with glue, and the ever faithful nipple tape for when you want to go out just in your undies.

But at the moment my bra is burning, and not because Im a raving feminist from 1968.

Take a look at these photos on the right. See those sisters up the top from the 1970's rallying to make abortion legal, and to fight the system for more women's rights, I wonder how they feel about Girls Gone Wild?

And check out the ladies down the bottom. Bless them. Lining the streets with their fancy hats, corsets and cotton gloves. Holding up signs for Votes For Women. Baking scones on their way home.

But my personal favourite is the one in the middle. I do wish I knew her name. Just take a look. She's being arrested for protesting for women's sufferage. Probably spent more than one night in a dark, cold prison cell on less than bread and water. All for our liberation.

My bra is burning.

Come on Girls. Wake Up. Its all about how we sell our booty.

YOU CANT ASK YOUR MAN TO DEFINE YOUR WOMANHOOD YOU MUST DO IT YOURSELF.

The Girls have Gone Wild


I was at work a few days ago, making myself a cup of tea when the 18 year old receptionist came in.

'How was your weekend?' she asked. 'I got so drunk. Omigod I was so drunk. I went out to Black Betty's and I was wearing this top that had these strips that went over my boobs and my boobs fell out. Three times. I had hickey's on my tits when I got home. From chicks! I had lipstick all over my boobs. I was soooo hungover. '

That's right. Girls Gone Wild had hit my suburban office.

It could just be that Im of another generation, or it could just be that I might be cranky about being post feminist but this poor bitch is post, post feminist, and maybe that is worse.

My grandma would say 'What is the world coming to' or maybe 'Get that Mary Magdalene out of here', but Im writing this blog because this morning tea episode was the very prompt that started me writing. What are women coming to? Im no grandma, but the Girls really have Gone Wild.

The Chicks


Its official, Ive done the test 'which sex & the city character are you' and Im Miranda. I always knew I would be but I guess I had to see it in black and white for myself to truly accept my fate.

There was an episode where Miranda has problems signing legal paperwork to own property because she does not have a husband. All the pressure from the bank leads to an anxiety attack about dying in her new apartment and having her face eaten off by cats. I understood where she was coming from.

And yes, I thought Sex & the City was cool too. But these days Im not so sure.

I mean, lets break down the story. Four single career women in the Big Apple. All living alone and enjoying a consumerist lifestyle of fashion, nightclubs, martini's and lots of shoes. Every day these highly liberated women get together for lunch to discuss how much sex they're having, who is dating who, whether he called last night and most importantly... is he the One?

And four, five, six episodes in, what happens? They all get married.

Four single women, freely consuming men and life until one day they give in and get married. The end.

I cant help but wonder, if getting Carrie's voice out of my head requires a psychologist or a big dose of seratonin. Because somehow, I dont know if this was what 'the new booty box' was all about.

Monday, March 10, 2008

BOOTY BOX


According to history a woman's reproductive organs had the nickname 'the Money Box'. As the urban myth goes, this is how we got our booty, with our sex.

That is, your husband chose you based on your social status & your beauty. And this would determine how lucrative your career would be.

Ive been thinking about this. Im wondering how much the story has actually changed. Ok, so we are three to four decades down the trail since women's liberation, yet despite the fact that a woman can choose not to become an instant 50's housewife, do we still use our sex to get us through life?

More importantly, I am asking, is this how we make a living, is our sex for sale?